Quality Time with Myself

When was the last time you spent the day alone?

Not those days that are spent all day in bed, watching movies, and stuffing your face with whatever snack is closest to your bed. I mean, when was the last time you went out and enjoyed the day on your own without expecting any company? I confess, I don’t do it that often, but now I see that it’s kind of a necessity. This is the day you use to see that you really don’t need anyone to be around to enjoy the time you have.

This is one of my two days off during the week. I don’t often have the weekends off because of retail, but after a while I got used to it. All of my close friends have their own schedules whether it involves previously made plans or class. And for a while, I spent days like this in bed, convinced that I needed more sleep.

But is that the truth?

I don’t really think so. No matter how much time I spend in bed, it will never be enough to be enthusiastic about work

Today, I used my time to go out. I grabbed my laptop, my headphones, and bought a caramel macchiato with a toasted croissant, and I sat at an empty table for two at the mall. It isn’t the prettiest of days, but I was breathing in fresh air. I was getting work done after procrastinating, and I was enjoying my music while looking at a place that wasn’t my bedroom. I don’t feel lonely, and I don’t feel like inviting anyone to join me because if I did, then the self-made white noise would be disrupted and the entire day would change.

During this quality time with myself, I realized that there’s always enough time in the day for me to appreciate my time with me – without sharing it with anyone else.

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LumiScript’s Mission and Hallyu

I originally intended on starting this blog for personal thoughts, life issues and lessons, and overall subjects that I felt comfortable enough to share with the people in my life. Platforms like Tumblr left my words overlooked, and a brand new start seemed to be the best idea.

Only until this very second, I didn’t actually realize what LumiScript really was for.

LumiScript – the combination of my favorite spell ‘lumos‘ and ‘postscript’ is my way of starting from the simplicity of personal issues I’ve come across and combining them with the music scene that I’ve found my home in. I’ve learned over the years of being apart of the Hallyu music scene that the youth of today grow up and learn from the music they listen to. I started out with the angsty, carefree sounds of pop punk and somehow ended up entangling my earbuds with Japanese metal and Korean dance pop. So how does this tie into LumiScript?

I have friends in high places, but I don’t intend on depending on them to help me rise above the latency of new blogs and YouTube channels. Instead, I plan on reaching out to rising artists, underground artists, photographers, dancers – anyone who wants their voice to be heard to the audiences I’m familiar with stretching across the indie music scene to the anime conventions I love attending. This is my way of fusing the worlds that created my personality together.

Let the games begin!

First stop: RVA Mini Hallyu Expo.

If there’s any place I know I’ll find new friends, it’s with the Hallyu scene.

화이팅!

Rethinking the Term ‘Lonely’

I think that word gets thrown around too often.

If you think about it, two of the most overused and commonly misused words in the English language might be ‘love’ and ‘lonely.’ And often enough, one follows the other in most situations.

The distinct differences between ‘love’ and ‘in love’ or the ones between ‘alone’ and ‘lonely’ can be forgotten, letting the words slip passed our mouths whether we notice it or not. I find myself very reluctant to use the word ‘lonely’ unless I absolutely mean it. Truthfully, over time, I just grew used to keeping certain company, and during the transition to a new atmosphere, I thought I was losing my breath, when in reality, I just didn’t notice that I was adapting in my own way.

I’ve witnessed a couple of heartbreaks within the past year, one of them being my own, and, while it was a conscience ripping experience, I now know that I wasn’t really lonely. I grew used to his company, the routine, the lifestyle I picked up that was ‘me and him.’ In the process, I neglected to see that the original company I kept had not really changed. I was not alone. The same people who kept me from being lonely in the past were still there, but my mind had been so in deep with someone else that I just… forgot about them.

That was my mistake.

Thinking back to my previous post about the subjectivity of romance, I looked past the friends whose memories had been tattooed onto my skin and only saw his name – a temporary tattoo extended with extra care and my own neglect.

“The sea never falters.”

These are the experiences of people who are not actually lonely – they just crave the company they became used to.

It does not do to leave the world you’ve made as your own for a dream in the hopes of making it a reality. Youth in love, youth alone, youth intertwined with the circumstances of the freedom to give yourself away – it should never be confused with that step towards being away from that world for so long that it becomes foreign. Know your world, know why it exists. See why your world is where you are safe.

Don’t throw away the key and you won’t be lonely.

So Who is it Today?

Maybe there’s a reason people nowadays have a bark far worse than their bite.

I mean, I’m guilty of it. Seriously, who isn’t? Who can honestly admit with a straight face that you have never made an open-ended post about someone using the pronoun “you”?

140 characters seemed like the right amount to give when it came to subtweets on Twitter in its early era before nearly everyone in my high school owned one. And back then, it seemed perfectly reasonable to just type out

“Why are you so annoying”

as opposed to actually saying it out loud.

Congratulations, Millennials! You found a loophole to cyberbullying. It’s not really an insult because how can you be sure it’s about you? I mean, it’s easier isn’t it? Stir up some paranoia because then who’s really the bad guy here? So who is the real victim:  the one who thinks they’re doing the annoying or the one who’s actually annoying? And is it any less terrible to put it out there without any names, leaving people to guess?

I think the more disturbing part of the subpost culture is that it’s 2017, and people are still doing it.

You know why?

Yes, you, I’m writing this because literally just before I hit the “write” button on WordPress, you posted something just as bad.

In my head, there are two different kinds of subposts:

  1. The ones that come from the bully
  2. The ones that come from the bullied

Both are bad, but the second one I think is worse.

Now I can see why that might be cruel on my part, but let this sink in for a second.

The Type A individual who is the bully posts these things because those are their thoughts. If you asked them what they were thinking, sure, they might tell the truth, but then again, if you’re the one they’re talking about, they might lie. Regardless, there isn’t much of a fascade there. Type A puts it out there because if they can’t say it, they’ll type it.

And then there’s Type B.

Let’s put a persona to Type B: this is the person who is the oddball. No one had to say it outright, but Type B knows “I’m different than everyone else. I don’t fit in like they do.”

When a Type A is let down, they get angry. When Type B is let down, they look for sympathy.

Subposts from Type B only have one purpose whether they know it or not:

“What happened?”

“Are you okay?”

“Do you need to talk to someone?”

Ahh, there’s the attention they needed. There are consequences of being a Type B individual, and it has to do with something along the lines of things not being as they appear.

The need to make a subpost needs to expire.

The milk that spilled is already spoiled – it was going to get thrown out anyway.

Friends Today, Gone Tomorrow

There’s a certain stigma that changes as time goes on regarding who you’re friends with.

The friends you make in college are your friends for life.

Upon hearing something like this, you find your freshman year niche. This is your “posse.” This is the group of friends who you talk to everyday. If you meet up with one, eventually you’re all meeting up. No one is out of the loop: you go to parties together, the gossip you hear is the gossip they hear, and this is where you belong.

The friends you make in your freshman year are not the friends you’ll have in senior year.

Suddenly, things have changed. A year has gone by, and you’ve spoken to one maybe last week, the other you haven’t seen since last year, and the other happily has a boyfriend, one that you only know of through the transparency of social media. Next thing you know, your parents are asking:

“How is he doing? Have his grades gotten better?”

And honestly, the only thing you can think to say instead of lying might sound something like this:

“I wouldn’t know.”

It’s difficult to say, but the pieces of advice we hear about the friends we make is probably why Millennials are so terrified of losing their friends. They are told that now is the time when you make your life-long friends, but when those supposed life-long connections start to weather down until you can’t even remember the last time you have spoken to someone in person, that’s when the fear sets in.

Maybe it’s wrong to say things like that – things that put a time and a place to a time-subjective part of a life. I made new friends this past weekend. I made new friends last year. It really is inevitable to feel afraid to lose someone.

I learned this the hard way, but friends will and should always be at the top of your priority. I distinctly remember being told by a (now) stranger:

“I should be at the top of your priorities.

First is your parents,

Then me,

Then your friends.”

And for a moment, I thought about it. I took the next hour of silence without a reply to let his sentiment sink in because deep down, whether I verbally admitted it or not… That could not be any more untrue.

For starters, family always comes first, but family is on a completely different priority list. That list shouldn’t even include your lovers, your friends, or any other obligation. Family is family. Granted, a good portion of the world has completely forgotten the rest of the statement “Blood is thicker than water,” but still.

Most importantly, let me be clear about this.

Romance is subjective.

Romance fades.

Romantic feelings subside until you’re left being strangers once more. There are two paths for relationships:  either you get married or you break up, and that is a cold bitter truth, but it is – in fact – the truth.

But friendship is not static. I could go an entire year without talking to my best friend from tenth grade, but when I call upon her with tears because of whatever problem I have, she is there to listen, and it’s almost as if that time apart didn’t even exist.

I can make mistakes, and she’ll still be there. If I make a mistake with a lover, he could be gone tomorrow. This all brings me back to what I meant to say:

The fear of losing a friend is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean that the loss itself is inevitable.

Have faith in the real ties that bind.

Tell your friends I said hello.

 

Being Friends with a Beauty Blogger

We’ve all seen them. Whether you follow their full posts online or rapidly hit the ‘like’ button when their faces appear on your Instagram feed, beauty bloggers are taking over the fashion scene, each with their own unique sense of style and presence. There’s a mild sense of intimidation when you see that ‘k’ next to their follower count, and it plants the idea in your head.

“Will my following ever be that big?”

Honestly? It’s difficult. However, I’ve learned so much from befriending a beauty blogger. Of course, when I met her, she wasn’t nearly as famous as she is now, and her follower count grows by the day.

The truth behind it all is that beauty bloggers are human beings just like anyone else. When you’re friends, you see that past the flawless photos and the thousands of likes, they are – to the core – normal people with normal problems.

They’ve just learned to hide it so much better than the average blogger.

Now, becoming friends with a beauty blogger is like being friends with anyone else, and I think this is something commonly misconstrued by anyone who thinks that just because they’ve received a reply from someone with more than 100 followers, they’re suddenly besties. No, it never works out this way. Remember, fame is a blessing and a curse. Using their friendship to fund your own goals is just being selfish.

Don’t ask for favors.

Don’t spread their personal stories.

Don’t fight their battles.

The best route to go? Just be a friend. Be there when they need you. Be there when they need to rant about today’s photoshoot or when they realize this model is a total jerk because believe it or not – they’re telling you because they trust you, not because they need the attention.

Shouldn’t that be the obvious part?

I’ve learned so many rewarding things from my friend. She’s a sweet, honest girl with normal college problems like anyone else. She’s like my little sister, and I trust her with things I don’t normally trust other people with. At the end of the day, I love that we’re comfortable enough with each other to get mad and tell the truth without the fear of losing that bond.

So the moral of this post? A famous friend is still a friend.

And don’t think any differently.

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